mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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