Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
