i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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