Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
