It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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