i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
