Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You pole danced in your parka.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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