how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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