You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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