So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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