the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
