if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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