everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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