dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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