Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
