What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
