Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
