I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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