if you like me you must not know who I am
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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