I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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