She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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