Umm I'm too high to move.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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