Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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