She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
