at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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