He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
