I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
