I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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