my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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