is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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