Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
