That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We have started to decorate penises.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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