I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
