No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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