We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
