Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Two words: nipple clamps
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