u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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