Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize