if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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