I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
