you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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