You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
