there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
