just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
