That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
