i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
