come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
