i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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