We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
