3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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