i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
