maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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