you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
