The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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