so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
