I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
