Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
