I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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