do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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